Monkeys are small, mostly harmless primates,( there are exceptions) ranging in size from just under two feet to roughly half the size of a skyscraper. They are most-well known for throwing feces, plotting to take over the world, back biting (literally) and masturbating in front of children in zoos (and unlike other primates, they are legally allowed to do this). Monkeys are born from an egg on a dog top, are funky and never stop, know every magic trick under the sun, to please the Gods. And have some unadulterated illegel in other species fun.
Monkeys have been a center of philosophical debate for the enlightened human being for centuries, partly because of the evolutionary secrets held gentle prisoner behind their innocent eyes, but mainly because of their funny red bottoms (i guess that is from where the term 'Makad mhanta maajhich laal' was coined). What most people don't realize is that Monkeys themselves are also philosophical - one was actually known as 'The great sage, equal of heaven'. Monkeys are not visible at dark. Most Monkeys go by the name of Eric except from monkeys whose names are not Eric. Monkeys are so, so cute. However, despite their cuteness, they are mentally retarded and will stop at nothing until they have covered the earth in bananas or destroyed your life. Eitherways ... both the things are bad !
Amusingly, monkeys can be trained to become enraged at the sight of genitalia, and attack on sight. This has led certain sections of society (mainly those sections who piss in telephone kiosks) to claim that the monkey was an indian invention. However it is now almost universally accepted that monkeys were invented by Charles Darwin to provide some evidence for his bizarre ideas.
A trained monkey is perhaps the most deadly thing on the planet apart from that guy you always see flying in te sky and who is not a bird or a plane but in fact is somebody else. Skilled in the arts of Kung Fu, Boxing, Karate, Kickboxing, Taekwondo. Wrestling, Jujutsu, Judo, Aikido, Kendo, Fencing, Magic. A properly trained monkey can kill a room full of 100 men in an average of 13.6 seconds, although the legendary Eric I is said to once have killed 100 men in 1.24 seconds simply by looking at them, a technique that has since been lost over the centuries.
The majority of trained monkeys belong to the Triad, who regards these monkeys as their most efficient, untraceable assassins. While the most of the monkey population serve as contract killers, some have been known to excel in many other elite professions such as: pirate, UFO, Illuminati, cowboy Dentist, writer, IT, mad scientist and the president of Pakistan. According to some theories in the '90s, which are now largely discredited in the academic community, a monkey is the ideal worker to employ in a Call Center.
Monkeys are well known for their hilarity. This has given rise to the First Law of Monkeys, which states that any thing, situation, or concept can be made funnier by adding monkeys to it. In 1966, scientists at MIT estimated that whatever i am writing right now is approximately 48.128756648 times more hilarious than the original, an estimate that is still considered reasonably accurate today. Modern researchers believe that much greater levels of hilarity can be obtained by inserting monkeys into situations involving such things as space exploration, gettogethers, office cubicles, etc etc.
Monkeys have been a center of philosophical debate for the enlightened human being for centuries, partly because of the evolutionary secrets held gentle prisoner behind their innocent eyes, but mainly because of their funny red bottoms (i guess that is from where the term 'Makad mhanta maajhich laal' was coined). What most people don't realize is that Monkeys themselves are also philosophical - one was actually known as 'The great sage, equal of heaven'. Monkeys are not visible at dark. Most Monkeys go by the name of Eric except from monkeys whose names are not Eric. Monkeys are so, so cute. However, despite their cuteness, they are mentally retarded and will stop at nothing until they have covered the earth in bananas or destroyed your life. Eitherways ... both the things are bad !
Amusingly, monkeys can be trained to become enraged at the sight of genitalia, and attack on sight. This has led certain sections of society (mainly those sections who piss in telephone kiosks) to claim that the monkey was an indian invention. However it is now almost universally accepted that monkeys were invented by Charles Darwin to provide some evidence for his bizarre ideas.
A trained monkey is perhaps the most deadly thing on the planet apart from that guy you always see flying in te sky and who is not a bird or a plane but in fact is somebody else. Skilled in the arts of Kung Fu, Boxing, Karate, Kickboxing, Taekwondo. Wrestling, Jujutsu, Judo, Aikido, Kendo, Fencing, Magic. A properly trained monkey can kill a room full of 100 men in an average of 13.6 seconds, although the legendary Eric I is said to once have killed 100 men in 1.24 seconds simply by looking at them, a technique that has since been lost over the centuries.
The majority of trained monkeys belong to the Triad, who regards these monkeys as their most efficient, untraceable assassins. While the most of the monkey population serve as contract killers, some have been known to excel in many other elite professions such as: pirate, UFO, Illuminati, cowboy Dentist, writer, IT, mad scientist and the president of Pakistan. According to some theories in the '90s, which are now largely discredited in the academic community, a monkey is the ideal worker to employ in a Call Center.
Monkeys are well known for their hilarity. This has given rise to the First Law of Monkeys, which states that any thing, situation, or concept can be made funnier by adding monkeys to it. In 1966, scientists at MIT estimated that whatever i am writing right now is approximately 48.128756648 times more hilarious than the original, an estimate that is still considered reasonably accurate today. Modern researchers believe that much greater levels of hilarity can be obtained by inserting monkeys into situations involving such things as space exploration, gettogethers, office cubicles, etc etc.
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