Dogs !!!

Dogs are the reigning, dominant species over the face of the earth, a fact manifested by their uncanny ability to make their human servants pick up their crap from the street. They are part of the squirrel family, and are different from pigeons in that they are four-legged, but they do also either have or do not have a trunk. They also use mankind by making it pay for their food and health care by working, while they stay home chewing shoes. They apply hardcore psychological manipulation on their puppets via body language. Dogs are known to live by the motto In Dog we trust, but at times it is also stated as Who let the dogs out?

Despite popular sentiment otherwise, the dog is man's worst enemy. All dogs, great and small, would not hesitate for an instant to kill you savagely and then eat your face. They restrain themselves in most cases, because attacking humans means almost certainly the end of sausages. Dogs, it seems, are not as stupid as they look. Also when many young dogs or "puppies" as they are sometimes referred to, are brought together in large groups of 10 or 12 and placed in a carboard box with a blanket, they have been known to cause much enjoyment in females and small children.

Experts also predict the dogs will never get caught red-handed in their schemes; even if they do, they will never confess to all the terrible things that they have probably done. They will simply yawn, fart and casually smell each other's asses, while showing no sympathy for whoever takes the blame. Dogs also enjoy unparalleled liniency compared to humans in the offense of noise pollution. Unprovoked barking is tolerated by the dog's owner anytime, day or night, using the "dogs will be dogs" defence, where a human would soon meet the business end of the law for such an offence.

It is a little known fact that dogs, puppies, and bitches all have their own respective religions, Dogism, Puppism, and Bitchism. In all of these religions The ultimate baby who is quite gentle (AKA Jessies) is God, Dog-version-of-Jesus., and has complete control over all dogs...and can fly with only thoughts. It's magical bone can bring members of the dog race back to life and can kill any cat within one mile.

Monkeys !!!

Monkeys are small, mostly harmless primates,( there are exceptions) ranging in size from just under two feet to roughly half the size of a skyscraper. They are most-well known for throwing feces, plotting to take over the world, back biting (literally) and masturbating in front of children in zoos (and unlike other primates, they are legally allowed to do this). Monkeys are born from an egg on a dog top, are funky and never stop, know every magic trick under the sun, to please the Gods. And have some unadulterated illegel in other species fun.

Monkeys have been a center of philosophical debate for the enlightened human being for centuries, partly because of the evolutionary secrets held gentle prisoner behind their innocent eyes, but mainly because of their funny red bottoms (i guess that is from where the term 'Makad mhanta maajhich laal' was coined). What most people don't realize is that Monkeys themselves are also philosophical - one was actually known as 'The great sage, equal of heaven'. Monkeys are not visible at dark. Most Monkeys go by the name of Eric except from monkeys whose names are not Eric. Monkeys are so, so cute. However, despite their cuteness, they are mentally retarded and will stop at nothing until they have covered the earth in bananas or destroyed your life. Eitherways ... both the things are bad !

Amusingly, monkeys can be trained to become enraged at the sight of genitalia, and attack on sight. This has led certain sections of society (mainly those sections who piss in telephone kiosks) to claim that the monkey was an indian invention. However it is now almost universally accepted that monkeys were invented by Charles Darwin to provide some evidence for his bizarre ideas.

A trained monkey is perhaps the most deadly thing on the planet apart from that guy you always see flying in te sky and who is not a bird or a plane but in fact is somebody else. Skilled in the arts of Kung Fu, Boxing, Karate, Kickboxing, Taekwondo. Wrestling, Jujutsu, Judo, Aikido, Kendo, Fencing, Magic. A properly trained monkey can kill a room full of 100 men in an average of 13.6 seconds, although the legendary Eric I is said to once have killed 100 men in 1.24 seconds simply by looking at them, a technique that has since been lost over the centuries.

The majority of trained monkeys belong to the Triad, who regards these monkeys as their most efficient, untraceable assassins. While the most of the monkey population serve as contract killers, some have been known to excel in many other elite professions such as: pirate, UFO, Illuminati, cowboy Dentist, writer, IT, mad scientist and the president of Pakistan. According to some theories in the '90s, which are now largely discredited in the academic community, a monkey is the ideal worker to employ in a Call Center.

Monkeys are well known for their hilarity. This has given rise to the First Law of Monkeys, which states that any thing, situation, or concept can be made funnier by adding monkeys to it. In 1966, scientists at MIT estimated that whatever i am writing right now is approximately 48.128756648 times more hilarious than the original, an estimate that is still considered reasonably accurate today. Modern researchers believe that much greater levels of hilarity can be obtained by inserting monkeys into situations involving such things as space exploration, gettogethers, office cubicles, etc etc.

Chini kam .... d movie review.

i've got 3 words ppl----- WHAT THE F.U.C.K (fornication under consent of king) i mean its a total crappy movie .... perfect waste of precious time. n u can clearly see dat mr. bachhan has finally lost his marbles n his age has taken d better of him. !

instead of paying 4 d movie i wud prefer my precious money given 2 a bhikari or better yet, stolen !

characters

amitabh bachhan : A 64yr old virgin/chef who is very very desperate 2 get on d jiggy wid tabu !

tabu: a 34yr old wannabe delhi chic who's man hunting in london. of all d ppl gets it goin on wid amit ji, a hard headed chef n teached him how 2 prepare hyderabadi zafarani pulaw.

bachhan's mom: a 1000yr old granny who lyks watchin WWE. n who's only wish is 2 go 2 haridwar one day n which is actually completed by d end o d movie.

dat gal nxt door: is actually a 6yr old smart ass who has blood cancer n who jus wudnt die till d very end o d movie. n is actually refered 2 as 'sexy' in d whole movie ... nobody knows her name .. not e1 her dad. she is d one givin amitabh (a 64yr old guy) advice over his life.
i gues d best part of d movie is wen dis chic dies. ATLAST !

paresh rawal: tabu's cricket loving dad who is younger dan amitabh by 6yrs n cant digest d fact dat amitabh n not himself paresh, is d better actor. as a result he starts followin gandhi's values as an excuse dat amitabh wont marry his daughter. he is very possessive of his daughter, d human rights ppl may call it incest. but, bollywood calls its 'papa ka pyaar'. at d end agrees on marryin his daughter 2 amitabh bcoz amitabh has 2 tickets 2 d england vs india match at LORDS.

5 cooks n 3 waiters: de've got absolutely nuthin 2 do in d movie. jus screw up some food n pass some ridiculous comments.

one british waiter: he's learnin 2 pronounce d name of an exotic indian dish 4 d whole 3hrs.

3 frnds of paresh rawal: think a horizontal paresh rawal is a tepoy 2 keep a dish of biscuits on.

tabu's UK frnd: tries 2 ditch her bf but, d plan backfires. but, at d end de get back 2gether.

tabu's maid: wants 2 learn how 2 use d internet but is scared of by paresh rawal.

dat guy over thr: is a very lucky guy bcoz he didnt contribute much in dis crappy movie.


the movie summary.......

lets face it. thr's no storyline in dis movie. its jus abt a 64yr old virgin who wants 2 get laid. he finds d perfect stupidity in tabu. who's also on d same desperation levels as he is.
d setting 4 most o d movie is d kitchen of d 'best indian restaurant in london'.

his neighbour is a 6yr old gal who wants 2 see adult films n amitabh is providin her wid all d material. in return she gives him advice on his love life. she has blood cancer n is undergoing chemo therapy apart frm dat happenin manages 2 grow eyebrows n sidelocks (biological error i must say)

amitabh's mom is alwez tryin 2 push him 2 go 2 d gym n get in shape n all. n he's not goin coz he's too busy givin long speeches in d kitchen how gr8 a chef is n firing n terrorisin his cooks. oh yea n also tryin 2 flirt wid tabu. he falls in love wid her bcoz she teached him how 2 make d best hyderabadi zafarani pulaw. n tabu literally steals amitabh's chhatri ... doesnt bother returnin d whole movie.
(d cancer chic is jealous of tabu)

10min of d movie are wasted in d pharmacy whr amitabh puts in a brave effort 2 ask 4 condoms n succeeds !

finally de fall in love n decide 2 get married. she goes back 2 delhi coz paresh rawal has had a heart attack. n now is d daunting task 2 ask 4 her hand in marriage 2 satyavadi n a wannabe gandhi follower paresh rawal.
all d time he's thinkin dat amitabh is jus some random old guy who's his own age n is tabu's frnd frm london. finally amitabh pops d question in d urinal. as a result paresh rawal 4gets 2 zip himself. n does not wash hands 4 d rest o d movie.
as u wud expect in any hindi flick, d father of d daughter opposes d marriage n stages a satyagraha whr he's not eatin 4 2dez n ppl gather below his house n actually start betting on wen he'l die.

at d end all's well dat ends well. amitabh comes n gives a huge striking speech 2 paresh rawal, by which paresh rawal gets damn scared n pees in his pants too. n storms off 2 qutub minar wid his mom at d qutub minar. he goes 2 d wishing pillar n tries 2 get his arms around it. n d moment he gets em paresh rawal gives her a go 4 d wedding. n also at d same time he finds out dat sexy dies. period. FINALLY !!! whole movie she irritates every1 by her talks. jus feel lyk killin her thr n den. dis is d highlight of the movie. at dat moment amitabh goes in a high shrilled cryin n runnin frenzy.

......and de live happily ever after.


after wasting ur time n money on d movie. u find out dat dis is jus a 3hr long ad on sugar free. yes. CHINI KAM actually means SUGAR FREE. n dis is an ad on dat product.

Limericks: Harry's Story

now dis is a carry
dat, m writin on little harry

well, harry’s d guy
who lyks an apple pie

jawani’s his nickname
coz he’s after each n every dame

they call him d pehelwan
coz he starred in d milkman

de say he has a long list
but, wen asked he’l show u his fist

but, I say da’s a lie
coz, harry is not quite d guy

he is jus plain queer
mebbe coz he drinks a lot o wine n beer

once harry told me he lyked one
i said its a nice pun

i asked if she's desi
he said, no man she’s called Lucy

but, I gues lucy’s a dog
who’l notice it wen he’s doin it in d fog

den he said he’l poke her there
i told him, i wudnt be here

de call him d boingking harry
but, i gues da's jus fuckin scary

jawani thinks he’s da dude
mebbe coz durin d night time he lyks 2 pose nude

while de were banging
lucy kept lukin at his hangings

he tried 2 hide his thing
but, she had a little fling

now he cant go 2 a mall
coz he’s made o steel balls

so, wen u hit him in d gap
he wont give a crap

n da’s d reason y
harry does not cry !!!

Limericks: The ballad of Impotency of Rabde

There was a guy called sam
He was very much damned

Wenever he drank rum
He used 2 fall on his bum

Once he removed his tool
N started runnin lyk a fool

In d process he bumped on d wall
And had 2 take d fall

His tool was broken
N his genitals were woken

They started bleeding
And poor sam started pleading

And he said, “never will I take out my tool”
“and I will never run lyk a fool”

“For I have a lesson learnt”
“And I see my future is burnt”

After dat day rabde never came out o his home
And secured his package inside a dome

Now d package is safe
And rabde is deaf

And dat is d moral of d story
Coz its rabde… n we don’t worry !!